Meeting Biggie

One day, we decided to join Caitlin on her morning constitutional, wandering aimlessly with her into the woods of Brockton. After several hours of meandering pointlessly, we heard some branches breaking and a dog howling nearby. Curious, we decided to investigate the noises. As we got closer to what sounded like shuffling steps on the forest floor, we realized that a large and hairy hip-hop fan was practicing his moves in the middle of the Brockton woods. Approaching the strange figure - to compliment his moves - we noticed that he looked oddly familiar, and yet different at the same time.

He jumped in surprise when we approached him, and seemed rather frightened by our sudden appearance.

“Ay yo wutz goin on, bitchez?”

At first, none of us could return his greeting, because of the mass quantities of hair on his face that were rather shocking, but then Megan stepped forward and asked the man what he was doing in the woods.

“Whatchu doin in deez woods, man?” she asked casually.

To which he replied that this was his place of residence: “This mah crib, ho.”

Suddenly Julia exclaimed, “Oh my god, it’s Bigfoot!” holding up as evidence the picture she had just looked up on her phone after noticing a slight resemblance.

“Awh, sheeit,” Bigfoot responded unhappily. Before he could leave, we emphatically stopped him, explaining that we were not afraid of him, and would not tell anyone of his existence. As a show of good faith, Julia and Caitlyn both put away their camera phones. The music was still playing very loudly from his iPod, and Megan recognized the song. The two bonded over their love for R. Kelly, and then, feeling more comfortable, Biggie - as he told us to call him - revealed how he had ended up in these woods. The story is long and complicated, and therefore we will not relate it here. After chatting for a few more moments, Biggie pulled a small baggie from his fur.

“Any a yous wanna blaze?”

“I’m sorry, what?” asked Lindsay quizzically.

To which Megan translated, “He’s asking us to roll some trees - uh, sorry, smoke some weed with him.”

“Oooh,” they all said in unison, realization dawning. After a moments deliberation, the six of them all partook in the marijuana smoking. About a half hour later, the group wandered into WalMart, armed with a list of the fifty things to do at WalMart. They slowly worked their way through all of them, having particular fun playing Marco Polo, before security guards removed them from the scene.

As dinnertime approached, the time came to say goodbye to Biggie, but it was not without its share of tears and exchanged phone numbers. Biggie went back into the woods, humming “Bottoms Up” by Trey Songz featuring Nicki Minaj, and we went back to school for dinner.

Just another day at Stonehill!